


Losing Everything

by Starculler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starculler/pseuds/Starculler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want any of this to happen. Finally everything was so right, and now it was nothing but wrong. So, so wrong.<br/>Oneshot JadeKat sadstuck fic. Implied GamKar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Did this for a fanfiction workshop I'm participating in so it's not too long. This was done for the first week's prompt. Also, my first Homestuck fanfic ever! Yay! Hope you enjoy!

One week. It had been one week. One very painful week.

Karkat sat on the floor of the now bare apartment, staring blankly at a wall. Waiting. They would come soon. He was sure of it. 

He’d been six sweeps old when they’d played Sgrub. He’d been eight sweeps old when they’d started dating, already having won the game. He was ten sweeps old now and sitting alone in their apartment. Too long. Time was too long.

_I’m such a fucking idiot._

He’d promised... Fuck, he’d promised so many times. Finally things had gone right, and now everything had turned to shit. He’d promised they’d always be together...and he’d broken it. His Matesprit was dead because of him. He would never... never see her again. Not once.

‘Rails over Pails’. That fucking saying. You could live without a Matesprit, but not without a Moirail. It was common sense. Matesprits came and went but Moirails were for life. Why was he so conflicted over this? Why did his bloodpusher hurt so fucking much?

_I miss her._

Karkat’s claws dug into the floorboards as his thinkpan filled with thoughts of his Matesprit, his Moirail, and that horrible day one week ago. He shouldn’t feel so badly about this. He was a troll. He’d done nothing bad by his kind’s standards. But... What about the humans? What would they think? 

John, Rose, Dave... What would Jade think? What if Jade could think? 

He clenched his jaw shut and bared his fangs at the wall as the thought crossed his mind. He scored the wood with his claws until his fingers felt numb and red blood spilled in drops over the marks. 

_When are they coming?_

A piece of the wood lifted up when he removed his hand. Curious, he clawed at it until it came loose and revealed a small hidden compartment. He lifted up the lid of a box inside and stared blankly at the contents. Inside were two plastic bags with colorful cloth and letters as well as some money and those silly pointed wooden hats. He’d been forced to wear one on John’s wriggling day. There was also a sheet of paper carefully folded and tucked against the side of a small box.

He reached in and pulled both out. He turned first to the box and gently pried it open. Inside was an expensive looking silver chain with a bright green jewel hanging off the center. It was glittery and gorgeous and completely fixated his attention for more time than he was willing to admit. 

_It kind of hurts._

He placed it gently back in the box before grabbing the letter and unfolding it. Against the stark white sheet of paper were words written in Jade’s signature bright green and done carefully in cursive handwriting. Just seeing it made his bloodpusher thud painfully against his chest. It even still smelled like her. He read it once in silence and bit his lower lip with his oddly blunted teeth as he did.

__

__

"Happy Birthday Karkat! Or, I guess you call it a “wriggling day”, don’t you? Well, this is just Past me (Haha, see what I did there?) giving you a huge congratulations! You’re another sweep (that is what you trolls call it, right?) older! But, I guess Present me will also tell you that in person, so it’s weird to say that twice. But oh well! 

Anyway, can you believe it? It’s been almost 6 years since we made it out of our weird three way combined sessions. And now you’re turning 11 sweeps old! Too bad you’re still not older than me! Though I guess you’re taller than you were in the game (haha, I remember you were so shrimpy and MUCH grumpier). But since then...Well, now, I’m glad how things have turned out.

I know Present me will tell you this all day, but, 

I love you Karkat. I’m so glad I’m your Girlfriend/Matesprit (I still don’t fully understand your weird Troll Romance stuff though). I hope you love the gift I got you (actually, thank Kanaya and Rose too since I sort of got a hint from them that having something like that would be nice. Something about higher bloods gifting things to lower bloods? I didn’t understand since I have red blood - duh - but Kanaya said since I typed in bright green that’d be good.). 

So again, Happy Birthday!

-Love, Jade <3" 

After reading the letter for what had to be the tenth time he noticed little, translucent pink dots staining the paper as he did. Tears. He wiped the moisture away with his sleeve and sniffled. He shook his head gently from side to side as his thinkpan absorbed everything.

She’d written him a letter. She’d gotten him a present. She’d... She’d remembered when his wriggling day was. She’d been glad they were Matesprits. She’d been red for him too. And he...

_You fucking moron! How could you?_

He wiped away more tears and snarled silently before digging his claws into the floorboards again and crumpling the once-neat paper in the process. Images of her scared face, the looks of betrayal, made him cringe and whimper. He couldn’t focus on anything else.

_You killed her! It’s all your fault, you good-for-nothing waste!_

Every moment was seared into his eyes. He wanted to forget. He wanted so badly to forget it all. If he’d never approached her, never confessed he was red for her then maybe she’d still be here! Maybe she’d be with that Strider idiot! Or just....alive...

But she wasn’t. 

He choked back a sob and shut his eyes as tightly as he could. Light pink-red trails of tears stained his gray skin and he hunched over, clutching the letter tightly against his chest now. He could remember her touch against his skin, her laugh, her eyes, her everything!

_You should have died. Not her. Never her._

The look of horror in her eyes as the weapon came at her. The look of betrayal when he snatched the gun from her hands. The sad understanding when he defended his Moirail instead of her. The smile on her lips as she told him she’d love him forever and that she understood. The way her eyes had slid closed so slowly. How her breathing slowed until her body shut down. 

How his Moirail had held him as he cried, told him it would be okay and that he was sorry. How they’d taken her body and wrapped it up. How her murderer offered himself up to him. And the worst memory of all, how he’d told his Moirail to leave... that he, not Gamzee, would take the blame for his Matesprit’s death.

_It’s your fault anyway! You deserve this! You deserve to die!_

He shook and sobbed, curled over the letter as his thoughts turned to the scheming he’d done. Cleaning up his Moirail’s blood, cutting his flesh and smearing his own candy red mutant blood against the walls and on Jade’s hands and clothes. Making the room look like a battlefield back on Skaia so that everyone would think he’d killed her with his own claws.

_Please come back._

What else could he have done? His Moirail wouldn’t last under Terezi’s justice... Fuck, they were black for each other. It would have devastated them. He would go crazy locked up and probably kill every last fucking soul there. He would be alone with no one to control him.

Karkat ground his teeth and sucked in a long breath only to continue sobbing with tears staining the floorboards. They would come soon. He knew they would. One week. No one had seen or heard from her in one week. It had been too long. Too long.

There was a knock on the door and when he made no move and didn’t answer it clicked. He heard it creak open from his spot on the floor and heard the gasp of surprised horror. 

_Finally._

He heard the screams as they found her body. He heard them confirm she was dead. John, Dave, Rose...all mourning, furious. Kanaya, silent. Terezi, confirming the blood on her hands was his. 

Now was his turn to finish playing his part. His body shuddered and he felt weak as he forced himself to his feet, pulling his face into an expression of anger. He drew his lips back in a snarl as he looked at the long awaited house guests. 

_I’m so sorry._

“Get. Out.” He snarled at them.

“Did you do this?” Dave asked him, barely containing his rage. He didn’t answer.

“Did you fucking do this, Karkat?” John got up and screamed at him. He expected that the least. 

“What if I did, Egbert?” Karkat snarled back. 

Rose glared at him, tears in her eyes. Kanaya pulled her chainsaw out, shock written all over her face. Terezi scowled looking as if she’d eaten something nasty. Dave mimicked his snarl and drew a sword from his sylladex. John stared wide-eyed before taking out an old memento from the game: the War Hammer of Zillyhoo. Karkat drew out his Threshecutioner sickles and growled.

It’s all for him. For my Moirail.

“Justice must be served, Karkles.” There was no humor in Terezi’s words, only grim sadness. 

Karkat lunged forward with his weapons raised, not aiming to kill. His only job was to look convincing. 

_You’re my last, Jade. I’ll always be red for you. Only you._

_I love you, Jade._


End file.
